


Alone

by LigerCat



Series: Why is this a 'verse? [7]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alien Ferb, Bullying, Chubby Phineas, Cutting, Eating Disorders, Fat Shaming, Fear of Discovery, Gen, Implied Mpreg, Relationship Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, The Author Regrets Everything, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Weight Gain, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 18:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21183740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LigerCat/pseuds/LigerCat
Summary: He didn't mind the weight at first.Not until they started pointing it out.





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own.

Phineas didn't think anything of it when he noticed his shorts growing snug around his waist. When it got to the point that he was struggling to zip them up, all he did was make a note to buy new ones.

He did the same when his shirt started to feel tight.

It was the looks Ferb gave him that got to him more, even more than the ones from their mom. The silent questioning looks echoed loudly to Phineas.

Sometimes, he'd pinch the soft flesh of his belly. At first, he could barely grasp it, but over the weeks, he found himself being able to clasp more between his fingers.

After a while, he could do it on his sides too as little love handles joined the rolls of his muffin top.

He still didn't think much of it. It was something new, and he liked trying new things. He was still healthy. Still fit, even if his appearance said otherwise. He'd never really cared about his other appearance anyway.

Once, when they were dressing dressed in the morning, he slapped a hand across his belly. It jiggled, just a little. He could feel Ferb's eyes digging into him, and he sighed. "Why does it bother you more than it does me?"

Ferb shrugged, even as he placed a hand on his own, much larger belly.

Phineas didn't think the comparison was apt. Unlike Ferb, he didn't have another life developing inside of him to account for the weight, he had just grown to enjoy eating when he couldn't build.

Which was a lot lately due to Ferb's condition.

But he didn't mind. Food kept him occupied when nothing, no one, else did.

He started to mind after Ferb had the baby. Ferb was supposed to go back to being his Ferb. They were supposed to started building again.

Food started to take on a new meaning. Or maybe a more important one.

Then school started back up.

Phineas had never been bullied. He'd seen bullying. Or what he'd believed was bullying. But the harsh words and rude notes were nothing like he'd ever seen Buford do. They came from people he'd once viewed as, not friends, but acquaintances. He knew their names, their faces. They'd come over to his house when they were younger. They'd been apart of his Big Ideas.

From them, their words cut, shallow at first but growing deeper each time. 

He started pinching his fat with disgust in his eyes instead of indifference.

He ground his teeth as his arms and legs grew thicker.

As a chin started to grow visible where he should have always had one.

Food stopped being something that made him happy and became something that made him numb.

He'd cry about his overeating afterwards, and it helped him forget what drove him to binge in the first place.

He never did it when Ferb was alert to his behavior.

Ferb was rarely alert to him anymore.

The words continued to cut deeper until he cut.

He couldn't completely pin down how it happened. He'd stood there and thought about it a hundred times. But the thoughts of cut it out had raked through his brain on repeat, morphing slowly, becoming something else: _Cut it off_.

He couldn't remember what else went though his head when he drew the knife across his belly. The blood and pain had made him stop after only an inch. He bandaged it up in silence. He cleaned the bathroom. Scrubbed it until his hands were raw.

And still the fear of having missed something haunted him that night.

But not as much as the fear of his family finding what he missed and dismissing it as unimportant.


End file.
